Much like homework, pimples, and puberty, your second summer at School of Fear is not optional. Any acts of insubordination such as death of a beloved pet, amnesia, or enrollment in sleepaway camp will be met by my lawyer Munchauser — quite literally. The man with the dirtiest fingernails in all of America shall arrive at your home with dental floss in hand. Munchauser, who has only thrice been to a dentist, shall then proceed to floss his small yellow teeth mere inches from your face. This is an act from which you will not recover.
The summer course shall begin promptly at 9:00 AM on Saturday May 29th at the base of Summerstone. And do remember to guard School of Fear’s anonymity by running the bath, blaring the television, and playing the harmonica whenever discussing our institution. On behalf of myself, my comb-over-clad assistant Schmidty, Macaroni the bulldog, and my highly trained cats, we look forward to seeing all of your Vaseline-coated smiles terribly soon.
Headmistress, School of Fear
49-Time Pageant Winner
P.S. Munchauser is not the slightest bit interested in seeing any of
you again, and requested that I tell you all as much.